I came across this list of top ten things to do if you want to have a horrible, difficult divorce.

1.  Lie.

2.  Get your kids involved.

3.  Start dating immediately.

4.  Raid the bank accounts.

5.  Start making big purchases.

6.  Don’t do anything.

7.  Don’t listen to your lawyer; take legal advice from friends and family instead.

8.  Hire the most expensive attorney in town.

9.  Hire the cheapest attorney in town.

List Source: Cindy Trussler

Over the years as a criminal defense attorney who also handles divorce cases I have noticed that although there are exceptions, my criminal clients are always trying to be on their best behavior during the time when I represent them while many divorce clients and their spouses act badly during their divorce.

Divorce has a way of bringing out bad behavior in people.  Love that has turned to hate can bring about unfortunate consequences for everyone, but most sadly for the children.  Children of divorce have no control over what is happening but suffer all the effects of their parent’s bad behavior.

Over the next few days Ill expound on this list and maybe make some additions.

Lying.

Nothing ensures a bad time in a divorce more than lying.  Lying to your lawyer, spouse or children is always a bad idea.  The only thing worse than those lies would be lying in court or in a deposition.  Liars don’t win in divorce.  Especially those who lie to their attorneys.  How people expect to get competent legal advice when they lie to their lawyers is a baffler. At the very least, it’s a waste of money that the client is handing over in exchange for advice.  At worst, it can have disastrous consequences in the case.  If you want to alienate your children, try lying to them.  You will be caught and your children will suffer more than you.

Involving the Children

Children are the innocent victims of divorce.  How the parents choose to act can either increase their pain and damage they suffer or help see them through the most difficult period in their lives as smoothly as possible.  Children should not be conduits for communication between their parents.  Children should not be pawns to extract money from a spouse.  Children should not be sounding boards to vent frustration and anger with the other spouse.

What helps children is to see their parents working in the child’s best interest.  A good rule is to never let the children hear you say anything negative about their other parent.  Encourage the children to listen to and respect their other parent.  Encourage them to spend time with the other parent.  Do what is necessary to see that it happens.  The parent who persuades by attraction rather than promotion, is more likely to foster a health parent/child relationship in the future.

Start Dating Immediately.

Dating immediately after leaving a spouse can be problematic for a couple of reasons.

It leaves you open to the argument that you are dissipating marital assets subject to equitable distribution.  Secondly, it might make your soon to be ex less amenable to settlement.  By seeing that you are moving on with your life you might be making him/ her want to prevent that and prolong the divorce longer than it otherwise could have been.  Additionally, it might not be best for you emotionally and it a sure thing the kids will not understand at all.

Raid the Bank Accounts.

Leaving an economically subordinate spouse without resources to maintain living expenses will make you look bad in the eyes of the court.  A better strategy is to keep the status quo for the time being.  No need to go overboard but make sure that your economically dependent spouse can meet basic living expenses.